forthwritten

The last few days have been hectic - I'm more-or-less running the abstract submission system and reviews process myself and it has involved a lot of emails to professors I don't know, me totally overthinking said emails in terms of positive and negative face, and assigning the abstracts, each one to two reviewers. Also, H flew back to the states today and I'm sad about not being in the same timezone as her.

I'm trying to wind down before bed and emeraldsword asked me about fish.

Until I was 16, I wanted to be a marine biologist. Admittedly I'm more interested in marine mammals and cephalopods but I like fish too. I'm particularly fond of sharks because I'm a sucker for a cute face but also because I like misunderstood and maligned animals. Great white sharks are amazing though - they're fscking gorgeous. Perhaps not elegant, but they're beautifully fit for their environment. Look at those pectoral fins - that's why they're so manoeuvrable. Look at how strong they look, how powerfully graceful they are. This is a creature we share a planet with! I've been on a boat and there could have been a great white cruising under me; how amazing is that?

I also hold snorkelling and scuba diving qualifications. I actually prefer snorkelling - you can just pull your fins on, spit in and rinse your mask and you're good to go. Part of the reason I love it so much is because my aunt and uncle gave me the money to fit prescription lenses to my diving mask when I was 14, and even though it's a very old prescription it's still better than nothing. I loved how this world was opened up to me. I actually felt totally able-bodied in the water for the first time, when until then my sister was basically acting as a guide dog and having to lead me around.

When I was a young and foolish teenager and snorkelling off a catamaran, I actually ducked under the hull to surface under the platform - and that's where all the fish were! In retrospect this was very, VERY stupid as I'd basically disappeared without a buddy and I was under the boat for fsck's sake, but I still remember popping up under the platform, the water reflecting blue and rippling on the hulls, and just shoals of fish everywhere. Black and silver striped ones, grey ones with yellow tails and yellow extending along their lateral line...and just flitting and flashing in the water, where only I could see them.

I'm also a vegetarian, and fish and seafood were the hardest things to give up. There's a lot wrong with commercial fishing and I can't financially support it - I love the ocean too much to do that, and I like knowing exactly where my food has come from and its environmental impact. There are too many unknowns with commercial fishing and what I do know about it troubles me. So I want no part of that industry. It sounds simple because the decision was a simple one, but the actual practice was difficult.

So! Today I cycled to my supervisor's house, had a rather productive supervision, met her baby (but didn't hold him) and was fed Lebkuchen and tea. I have to draw up a draft proposal for next Friday but I'm relieved to have some structure back in my life and feel less miserable about the whole thing.

And then I stopped off at New World Exotics and happily hung around in the mammal room. I was admiring the meerkats when one of the people working there asked if I'd like to see them and opened up the cage. So I got to cuddle a meerkat! The girl I held had been hand-reared and was very friendly - she started off snuggled against my shoulder, but then decided she wanted to sit on my rucksack, or try to disappear down my hoodie, or sit on my shoulder. She seemed rather taken with my earrings and I was also thoroughly checked for fleas - she sat on my neck and groomed my hair for me. The male had been pack-reared and was shyer around humans he didn't know; however, he decided to approach me, and I soon had two meerkats running up and down my arms, grooming my hair, snuffling in my ears, trying to look inside my mouth and generally being adorable.
They don't really make good pets and I certainly don't have the resources, facilities or expertise to look after any, but I'm glad I got to see them up close.

I did end up buying a hammock and a hanging rope and wood thing for the rat cage though. I fear that these rats are going to end up with more stuff than I have.